So, I'm back...

SO, like the title of this blog says, I'm back! I know I said I'd be updating often, but I haven't been lately because so much has been going on.


We conceived for the second time in November after only a few months of trying! It was so exciting! I knew I've been on Metformin for my PCOS and my hormones have all been great, and I lost 15lbs versus the last time I was pregnant. I felt great and felt healthy. I had all the typical pregnancy symptoms, so many more compared to last pregnancy, so I was sure this baby would be okay!

December 4th. First at-home pregnancy test taken, very light, almost couldn't see the positive line!



Dec. 6th First Response Positive Test

I had bleeding on December 19th when I was exactly 6 weeks pregnant. We went to the ER and did all the normal tests, including an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed a gestational sac and the yolk sac, which made me happy. HCG came back around 6,000ish. The doctor seemed to say it didn't look good mainly because of the fact when you have over 6000 HCG a fetal pole should at least be seen, and it wasn't. It had me concerned, but in a way not surprised since I'd gone through this same thing before. What didn't make sense to me is now it was happening even earlier than last pregnancy. We went to a follow-up appt at my regular OB and they couldn't even find a yolk sac on the ultrasound anymore, just the gestational sac; not only that, but the gestational sac looked like it was almost flattening a little bit. It was upsetting, but again, I almost wasn't surprised. I almost didn't have much emotion to all of this and told my mom I didn't feel as attached to this pregnancy as the last one and I didn't know why. She said she thinks I had my guard up because of what happened last time. I think what she said was true, especially after hearing it. It's very sad.


Anyways...here I am at 9 weeks 3 days pregnant and the pregnancy still hasn't been passed. My OB gave me the choice to have a D&C (minor surgery to remove) or wait for it to happen naturally. Because my body did such a good job last time at miscarrying naturally, I'm choosing to do that. I really don't like the thought of being put to sleep when I don't have to be and I don't want the chance of any of the risks that come with a D&C, even if the chances are small. So, I've been given until the end of January to pass the pregnancy on my own and if not, a D&C is very recommended, and I will do, because I can't stay pregnant forever. I won't get a D&C before a last ultrasound, though. I guess I still have that tiny hope that a baby is still growing in there and I'll see it, even though I know the chances of that are very small. :( My OB said he's 99.99 percent sure the pregnancy is nonviable. So, if it turns out to be viable it will be some kind of miracle!


On a positive (and negative) side, my doctor did some recurrent miscarriage testing on me and I came back positive for an MTHFR genetic mutation; turns out I have one of the worst versions of it, as I have 2 copies of a mutation, which means one genetic mutation from each parent. Most people only have one mutation and get it from one parent. Two mutations are less common. MTHFR is where your body has a problem absorbing folic acid and B-vitamins. I've been researching a ton on it and I've read having one copy of a mutation allows you to absorb around 50-60 percent of the B-vitamins whereas my version you are usually only absorbing around 10 percent without knowing it. I've read most people don't find out they even have a MTHFR mutation, and many only find out once they have multiple miscarriages or stillborn(s). I'm thankful my doctor ran all the possible tests so I was able to find out I have this. The positive to this is now I know what is most likely causing my miscarriages; however, the downside is the fact I have a genetic disorder that affects my health in general and during pregnancy has to be treated. From what I've read, being pregnant with my version of MTHFR definitely takes some work before and during a pregnancy to have a healthy pregnancy.

Next week I get a test result back to show if I have elevated homocysteine and if I do, I get sent to a hematologist, I guess to learn more about it and get a plan. I'm not sure what will happen if the homocysteine comes back in a good range. I do know if it comes back in a normal range it means my MTHFR isn't as severe. If it comes back positive, I will probably be on blood thinner shots daily when pregnant next time, along with extra vitamins, prenatal and possibly daily baby aspirin. (Don't forget my Metformin medication for my PCOS!) Let me tell you, this is going to be fun. NO, it's going to be work!! And when I have my child, I'm going to remind them every day how much I wanted them to go through all this to have them with me, haha.  If the levels come back normal, from what I've read I'm assuming I might not have to be on daily shots and I would just be on excess vitamins and a baby aspirin. As I requested by me to my doctor, I will also be on extra progesterone next pregnancy (hormone that sustains pregnancy), even though my progesterone is pretty good.


So, that's about all that's been going on with me. I got pregnant again, going to miscarry - again - found out I have ANOTHER fertility issue, and currently waiting for next week's test results to know what the plan is. One thing is the same: I'm not giving up on my future child or children and I feel in my heart God is waiting to bless us with one; I just have to get through this to show him I don't lose my faith and to show him how much I want this.


Besides all the fertility issues, we had a great Christmas/holiday season. This was the first year I stayed home with Charlie. We woke up around 6AM and did our Christmas, just us and the dogs :) It was so nice. We went over to my parents around 9 AM and did Christmas there. Then Charlie went to his fam for Christmas. I had an AMAZING vacation. I was off work for two weeks and it was perfect. It was also perfect timing so I could just relax and have time to myself after learning about the miscarriage. Everyone needs a vacation from work! I don't think I'd stay sane if I didn't get a break from work every now and then, other than weekends. I ate a lot, shopped, and did a lot of nothing, haha. Ideal vacation.

What I'm looking forward to right now is tax returns and profit sharing at work. Luckily, since Charlie and I both work at Geico that means we get double profit sharing checks. ;) Thank God 'cause we have some debt to pay, a couple hospital bills, and just a few things we've just been wanting to buy :). Can't wait to finally have some extra cash again.


That's about it for me. I'll post about test results next week and probably write again before then. Dogs are good, house is good, husband good, family good. All is as good as good can be right now.

Thanksgiving Already?

So much for updating "daily" or "weekly". Haha. Actually, I still hope to do that; I've just been distracted with Thanksgiving and Christmas shopping. We had a great Thanksgiving. This was the first year I cooked multiple items - 3 pies, a pumpkin roll, and 2 side items, and WOW, I didn't know Thanksgiving cooking was that tiring. I mean, I didn't even cook an entire Thanksgiving meal and my feet were killing me when I was done. I decided I wanted to Christmas decorate at the same time as cooking - that was a mistake. Charlie did almost all of the decorating, which was a complete turnaround from past years. Usually I do all the decorating and he will literally put one ornament on the tree. Haha. This time he did it all himself and he didn't seem to mind it. He actually seemed to like it; it was cute. Haha.

So, I cooked the three pies and pumpkin roll all in the one night. That took a lot longer than I expected, haha. I used the *amazing* pumpkin pie receipe I found last year on AllRecipes.com. (I'll post the pie recipe at the bottom of the blog). That website has been a lifesaver for me multiple times. You can submit your own recipes and read others', and they are all on there by rating and category. It's nice because you're reading others' homemade recipes, and not some recipe on the back of a box that tells you how you should do it. I've tried a few on there I didn't like, but many are awesome. The pumpkin pie recipe I have is one of them. I think the main thing is the fact it's made with sweetened condensed milk rather than evaporated and has more spices than the traditional.

I had never made a pumpkin roll before, and to be honest, I was scared to try! I made it mainly because my mom brought it up at one point, and I wanted to bring it for her on Thanksgiving. It really pissed me off, haha. What  the recipe told you to do was just completely ridiculous. Next time I make it I'm going to do it how I want to. Needless to say, you don't need to lift it out of the pan, roll it, and unroll it multiple times. That's just asking for rips, and it sure enough did rip! I rolled it up as fast as I could and it turned out looking more like a hoagie than a pumpkin roll, but the inside looked perfect at least, haha. It tasted good, so I guess that's all that matters.

The next morning I got up and made green bean casserole and my roasted veggies I make. I read about the idea of roasting veggies with potatos, so I decided to try it myself one night, but added my own spices. I sprinkle cinnamon on top and it adds a sweet taste to it that's so good. After all the cooking, we finished up the Christmas decorating, got ready to go, took a while to figure out what car to take, loaded up, and got out of the house! We headed to my parents' for just a few minutes, dropped off the food, and headed to my in-laws. We were a little late (like always, due to me) so didn't know what to expect, but luckily everyone was there and eating, so we were able to come right in. We were starving because we had barely eaten breakfast, so it was great to eat such a big meal for lunch haha. Thanksgiving food is amazing.

After saying good-bye, we went back to my family's house where I helped decorate their house for the holidays and Charlie went to his grandma's house for more food. Last year there was a little bit of drama at my family's house on Thanksgiving, so it was nice having a great Thanksgiving there where everyone was in a good mood and got along. My dad said a nice grace before dinner and we all helped clean-up after. Charlie and I got home safe. It was the ideal Thanksgiving. I have so much to be thankful for! God knows what he's doing and I trust Him with everything, and I have hope for what's in store for us. After all, that is what the holidays are really for.

I've been spending most of my time Christmas shopping with money we DO NOT have, and wishing this warm weather would go away. The deep South is having abnormal cold temperatures and snow whereas we are getting warm temperatures. On the way home today, we passed a sign that said 75 degrees! Yea, on November 28th! It felt wrong listening to Christmas music while sweating and trying to shade your eyes from the sunbeams, haha. I love warm weather, but the holidays are only once a year and I want that typical "white Christmas" feel. Luckily, I think we are finally getting some cold temps this week.

Speaking of the money we don't have, we are running so low on money this year, Charlie and I decided to only get each other a couple items for Christmas. We originally said five things, but it's actually coming down to like 3-4 things! We really don't need anything anyways. We have everything we need. We're working on saving and getting our credit cards down, but of course that can't even happen until after Christmas. I feel so bad with the thought of a possibility of someone getting us many things and not being able to repay them with the same thing, so every year I end up overspending on Christmas. I'm happy to say we aren't doing that at all this year, and it's actually been SO much less stressful than past years. Knowing you only have to buy a couple things for someone and can really enjoy the holiday and what it really means feels good. It's been nice just walking around and "window shopping", looking at the stores' decorations. Can't wait for that profit sharing check at work in February. Charlie and I both get one and it will be going completely to credit cards this year unlike past years. We really need to have a real savings account! We've always lacked in having any savings! This is the very first year I've really gotten into couponing and trying to save as much money as I can. Sometimes there's always a coupon if you really look hard enough. Maybe one day we'll win the lottery...but until then... :)

(Below, the pumpkin pie recipe I use...yummy!)

Ingredients

• 1 can pumpkin puree
• 1 9 in. pie shell
• 1 can sweetened condensed milk
• 2 egg YOLKS
• 1 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2 egg WHITES

• For topping:
• 2 tablespoons of flour
• 1/4 cup packed brown sugar
• 1 teaspoon of cinnamon
• 2 tablespoons of butter

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees
2. In large bowl mix together pumpkin, condensed milk, and egg yolks. Stir in cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg and salt.
3. In a large bowl, whip egg whites until peaks form. Fold that into pumpkin mixture
4. Pour filling into the pie shell
5. Bake for 15 minutes in oven.
6. While pie is baking, prepare stresul
7. In small bowl, combine flour, brown sugar, 1 teaspoon of cinnamon. Blend the butter in with a fork or blender until the mix is crumbly.
8. Sprinkle the streusul topping on top of the pie
9. Reduce heat to 350 degrees and bake an additional 40 minutes or until pie sets

Question of the Day: What are some of the things you do to save money?

Friday & Frugal :)

I got out of bed a little earlier than usual this morning, felt like I had more energy knowing it was Friday. :) Charlie and I were wide awake and making jokes on the way to work.  It was nice seeing the sun on the drive there, knowing it was a Friday, and there was no traffic (being Veteran's Day). It sure seemed like everyone else in the world was off work but us! But it was nice this morning. We even had time to make a stop at Wawa. I got my pumpkin spice coffee and Charlie got an iced coffee (even though it was freezing this a.m!)

YUM!

My workday was BUSY. I didn't have much time to stop all day, and we had an hour long meeting before lunch about how much work we have and how we can get the numbers down. They are thinking of giving us the option to work Monday thru Thursday, 10 hour days and having off every Friday to get work out earlier. I'm sort of interested in it. It would be nice having a three day weekend every week and knowing I can get everything I need to get done on Friday. The only problem is Charlie's schedule fitting with mine and the fact we ride together. We'd have to figure that out if I decided to do it. I'm just not sure! We had Chik-Fil-A for lunch. I got one of their chicken strip salads; they are so yum! :) 

3:30 finally came. There is a girl at my work who's a little newer I haven't talked to much. She's 19 and seems a little immature and talks a little too much for me. I've been trying to get to know her more recently since I can tell she doesn't know what to think of me much either. My brother's girlfriend, Amanda, commented me on Facebook right as I was leaving work. So I was distracted and went to say bye to this girl, which I usually don't, and accidentally said "Bye, Amanda". Too bad Amanda isn't her name! She looked at me really confused and almost waiting for me to say something else then just said "bye". I was walking out and realized I called her the wrong name! I immediately felt embarrassed and told her, "I don't know why the hell I called her Amanda", haha. She said she was wondering the same thing. It seemed like she didn't believe me, though. I felt like she thought I really didn't remember her name, or else I was just trying to be mean, haha. I felt really bad.

So, we got home. We had plans to go out and we spent too much time outside with the dogs, and I picked some weeds (for what would probably be the last time). I got way too into a couple episodes of That 70's Show and didn't end up starting to get ready to go out until about 6:00. We left around 6:30 for the mall. There's a Christmas lights show they do every night there, so we went there for that and to walk around and look at Christmas stuff and get some ideas. The lights are so pretty and it's cool to see so many people watching it every time we go, and they all look excited and clap when it's over. There was some cute kids dancing to the music too. It feels good to be around something so nice with people in a good mood when so many bad things are going on in the world nowadays. We walked around outside looking at the lights and window-shopping the stores. They were handing out free popcorn so we shared a cup.

Charlie & I in front of the big tree

We went back in the mall afterwards and walked around for about an hour. We went in Macy's (which we never go in) and made fun of how much everything cost. It's just ridiculous in there! $88 dollars for scarves? That's crazy. They had a lot of nice Christmas decorations, though. We went in Dicks and tried out the exercise machines for fun, went in JCPenney so I could look in a mirror and get a hair out of my eye, haha. We walked around and joked and had fun, and didn't spend a dime. Usually I can't go in the mall without buying something, even if it's just a drink, but we're trying to get our debt down this year and won't be able to use credit cards for Christmas shopping, so we're trying to save cash for buying gifts. Before going in I said I wouldn't buy anything that's not for us and we wouldn't buy any food. We didn't spend anything! I felt really good when we left and it was nice being able to go out and just enjoy each other and know we still have money in our pockets when leaving.

Just us.

The tree and some of the lighting

We're just hanging out at home now, eating dinner and hangin' out with the dogs. I'm watching Reba. Going out with my mom tomorrow. Love the weekend. :)


*Question of the Day:  What do you do to relax and start off your weekend?

A Broken Shoe & Ramblings

I woke up this morning, 6AM, turned off my cell phone alarm, as usual playing Kenny Chensey's "If I Lost It" and laid back down, again as usual haha. Charlie woke up (on time, as he usually does) and got in the shower. I'm always the one who causes us to run late. I swear if it weren't for me, Monday through Friday he'd be at work a half-hour before he had to be. 

Kenny Chesney (haha)

So, when I'm dressing for work - basically still asleep - I spot a pair of shoes (due to the fact of rearranging the closet) I haven't worn in a year so I slip 'em on and we finally head out the door. After traffic, fog, getting stuck at about every light in the county, and no time to squeeze in the hot-chocolate Wawa stop I was dying for, we finally get to work. [We commute and work together for those who didn't know.] I badge in, sit my stuff down at my desk, pull out my yogurt, etcetera, etcetera, and walk to the break room. I trip on the way there, trip again, and then wonder why these slip-ons are so flimsy that they keep bending in half when I walk. I get back to my desk and realize the entire bottom sole is pulled apart from the shoe.  Great, I forgot these shoes broke last year, explaining the reason I hadn't seen them in so long, because I threw them somewhere in the back of the closet. So, it's Thursday, I'm tired, and I go all day with a broken shoe. If it were Friday I would care less! :)

Otherwise, I had a good, typical day. We almost got into a car accident on the way home. It was raining, and a van two cars in front of us decides they want to cut off traffic in the right lane, so they slam on the brakes. Our ABS comes on and we just barely miss them. Our poor Rogue! :( The Explorer behind us was actually going to hit us, so he completely DRIVES over the median and into oncoming traffic until he can get back over again. Thank God there were no cars coming! Needless to say we wanted to get home after that.

Our Rogue!

I cooked Shake & Bake chicken, mashed potatos and corn on the cob for dinner. :) While I was cooking, Discovery was playing a show on postpartum depression/women's experiences with it. I decided to watch it because TV never plays anything on it. Actually, no one talks much about postpartum in general. I think there needs to be more education about it, because it affected me. I didn't know anything about postpartum. I didn't really believe in it, to be honest. I think it's a reason it's not really talked about much. Especially, no one tells you about postpartum issues after pregnancy loss, not just after birth. I had postpartum problems post-miscarriage. My hormones reached the 13,000's and dropped dramatically in a couple of days (along with the fact of my hormones were screwed up from PCOS).

It took me about five months to get over the problems I had (and only about two months to get over the extreme anxiety). Many times I didn't want to go anywhere. I felt safest at my house or my parents' house, or the hospital. Right after losing the baby I had panic attacks, which due to my delusion, I wouldn't believe could be postpartum. I thought I was dying of everything. I was in and out of the ER for so many different things. One of the visits, I had a CT scan done on my head because I was feeling tingling and swore I had a tumor or was bleeding internally on the brain (which come to find out, the tingling was from anxiety itself). I remember the right side of my body felt numb at times. I was depressed, upset, felt like I was going crazy. When the anxiety would creep up, nothing could stop it, the fight-or-flight mode would hit, I wouldn't be able to breathe, and I would have to get somewhere, anywhere, and most of the time made people take me to the hospital or doctor again. I think I wanted to go because I felt like doctors could fix it. The doctors and nurses were always nonchalant about what possible reason it could be, which would aggravate me even more because I would swear something was wrong with my health. They would just prescribe me anxiety meds, nausea meds, pain meds, all kinds of things, and they never once told me this could be hormones. I feel like if a doctor had told me that, it could've helped, but I never heard it, so I would continue freaking out, believing I was dying or going nuts. I swore I was having a heart attack when the panic attacks would happen. I would have odd thoughts in my mind. I'd look at things and not see it as it really was. I'd look in the mirror, completely freaked out and out of my element and didn't even recognize who I was looking at. I would stare into my eyes in the mirror just so I could get a grip on myself, and cry. I couldn't sleep, and if I did it was restless. I was failing at work. My production was falling and I was almost put on warning for it. I was thinking to myself everything is falling apart and on top of it, I didn't even get to keep this child for all this. I was angry. I was counting down getting today over with because maybe tomorrow would be better. Every day was different from the last and I never knew what to expect or how I would feel. It was initially hard to grieve the loss of a child while going through something so hard. It made me not be able to fathom women who lose a child they've met or have stillborns.

People don't realize what hormones can do to you. It made me realize they literally run your body and your mind. If they're off, it can affect your life in different ways and you have no idea that's what's happening. I now understand what "hormone replacement" is for.

Now that I'm good, I look back on it and think to myself how bizarre I was. I feel sad when I think about it because it was the hardest thing I've had to go through...but it made me appreciate God because I knew he put me through it for a reason. It made me so much stronger than I was. It made me grow up and look around me...and it made me realize bringing a child into the world is life-changing. It made me feel closer to God than I was before. I couldn't ever thank my mom enough for being there for me the way she was. She didn't know exactly what I was going through, and yet she made me feel safe and helped me through it, even if it meant ER trips or staying up late with me until I fell asleep.

My Mom and I

The show actually said women with PCOS are more likely to have postpartum problems, and 50% of women with PCOS have some kind of postpartum issue. It's scary to think of it happening again, but at least I'll be more prepared if it does. The thing I hate the most about PCOS is it's not something you can cure. It can just be managed and if it's managed well you won't notice many symptoms. I want young women like me to know about what could happen postpartum, whether you actually birth the child or not, what to expect, and how they could handle it until it's over. If I had known anything about postpartum, and the fact I had PCOS, it would have been so much easier and I could've helped prevent it.

On a different topic, tomorrow is F R I D A Y! I'M SO EXCITED! Can't wait for the weekend. It's supposed to be beautiful weather. :) We're going to do some things around town and I'm going to go out with my mom. It's becoming holiday season and I love it. I can't believe Thanksgiving is just a couple weeks away...and that means Christmas :) I'm so in love with Christmas. Everyone seems to be in such a good mood around the holidays; you go anywhere and you can just feel it. I reaaaally want to see Jack & Jill in the theater; it looks funny. We're trying to save money because we aren't going to have much cash for Christmas this year, so we'll see :)


*Question of the Day: Do you do anything different to save money around the holidays?*

Is It Friday Yet?

Well...this is my first blog post. Some of you may know me and some not. I like to write and document things, so I thought an online blog would be a good idea where I can share what's been going on with me for family and those I don't get to see or talk to as much as I'd like (or for anyone who doesn't know me at all and can relate). Not only that, but there have been quite a few things in my life so far I really wish I had written down so I could look back and remember. This way I will. :) I hope to update my blog daily, or at least every few days.

Today was just like any other Wednesday at work for me. (Is it Friday yet??) My lead is out on leave, so another woman and I are taking on all the lead duties, and have been for weeks. It's been nice, but at times a little frustrating. I don't know what it is; I don't really like working with other people. I like working on my own! This woman likes to check up on me and, I believe, underestimates me because of my age. I don't like people checking behind me who aren't my superiors. (I don't really love people checking behind me at all) haha. I get irritated. I know it's something I need to work on...being able to accept unwanted advice, criticism, help.

It can be frustrating being confined to a desk for eight hours. I look outside and wish I was out there, especially on beautiful days (like today). There are so many other things you could be doing and yet you are taking so much time out of your life to do something you do NOT want to do! My mind just wanders and wanders all day at work. You think about so many things working alone silently for so long and not having much contact with people. If you're a very social person, it can literally drive you crazy. Every day I think about family, things I need to get done, what I need to do at home, the fun I'm going to have this weekend, things I want to buy, how I need to save, my dogs, Charlie, the past, things I could have done differently, this past year, my hopes for the future...just so many things. I've worked there so long I've learned to type, listen to the phone calls, and think at the same time which is pretty crazy. I guess you could say I'm a huge thinker. I'm a very emotional person. I might not show it much, but inside my emotions are so strong. Thoughts are constantly running through my head and sometimes I wish I could tell my mind to shut up.

Anyways, we're sitting on the couch. Deuce is above my head, sleeping on the top of the couch (yes, he is the weirdest little dog) haha. Bear is sleeping on the floor. Who knows where C.C. is. We've had a lot of issues with her health wise lately. She started to have an obsession with water, would walk with almost a limp in her back legs, and would just act so strange. I researched it a little and it seemed like she either had diabetes or a thyroid issue...leaning more towards the diabetes. It said just a diet change can give them a complete turnaround, so I changed her diet and she has been doing soo much better. I should have paid more attention to her diet to begin with, especially with her age. She's eating all natural now.

I feel like a bad wife tonight :( We ended up just picking up some Five Guys, which is a rarity. I'm not even supposed to eat that crap anymore, but that was our dinner! :( I always feel bad when I don't cook some kind of dinner on the weeknights. Hey, at least no dishes to do; that's always a plus ;) And I did clean up and do the laundry...so that makes up for the Five Guys, right? (Okay, not health wise...not calorie wise...but those daily "housewife" points) ;)

And I'll repeat...is it Friday yet?!


*Question of the Day: How do you get yourself through the work week?